Trusting in Manna from Heaven in 2011-revisited and then some!!

2011. It came and went so fast. It has been a really good year for me. My first calendar year being clean and sober in 15 years. I started it sober and God willing, I will end it sober in a few days. At the start of the year, my wise, pretty looking sister gave our family a theme for the year. I guess this is something my sisters have been doing for years, but I wasnt made aware of it. Or maybe I was, and did not care or whatever the case may be. This year, she came up with Trusting in Manna from Heaven in 2011. For me, that was a great motto for the year. As an alcholic, we are learned to live in the day and not worry about tomorrow. God points that out to us many times in the Bible and it has helped me stay sober and live a much more peaceful life. Alot has happened this year. At first thought, I want to say that some good things happened and some bad things happened but the more I think about it, the less bad things I see. Honestly, I dont know that anything truly bad happened this year. I know that some things happened that I did not like at the time. Some times were tougher to go through than others but every single thing that happened this year helped me grow. It helped mold and shape me into the man I am becoming. All things helped me in my recovery. I have posted many times about when I go through tough things, it seems like I grow in my recovery. I grow into my skin and I learn how to deal with things. I could not have made it through this year without trusting in Manna from Heaven on a daily basis. I trust God to give me what I need today to make it through the day. I know that 2012 is just days away. I am looking forward to the motto for this year. I look forward to seeing how I can apply it to my life and into my recovery. I have been thinking about whether or not I am going to make New Years Resolutions this year. I am sure I will. Something that has been on my mind lately is my neice. Those are not random sentences. They are related. Let me explain. As Christmas came and went and I was doing some shopping for my neices and nephews, I got to thinking about them hard. They are growing up so fast. My oldest neice is almost a teenager. Wow, that is so strange to me. I remember the day she was born. The night before, I had been out using and was no doubt out of my right mind. My sister had a few problems in the past with pregnancy and I was somewhat worried about her and about the baby and I can remember laying in bed the night before and my mom had told me that she was going to the hospital and so she was on my mind, even though I was high. When I use to get that way, I could get a thought in my head and make it HUGE. I ran it over in my head so much that I became really worried. I remember laying there and praying to God to allow my sister to have a safe delivery and that the baby would be safe and healthy and that everything would be fine. I remember making a deal with God. One of MANY times in my life that I have done that. But I knew at that time that I had a problem with drugs and alcohol but I still thought I could just stop if I wanted to. So the deal with God was if He would allow my sister to have a safe delivery and that the baby would be safe, I would quit using and drinking forever. And I promise you it was not 5 minutes later that the phone rang and she said she was going into labor and we loaded up and went to the hospital 4 hours away. And my sister was fine as was my neice. I was still not fine though. I kept using and drinking for many years after that. But I thought about that this Christmas. It has been on my mind since. I have realized that I do not know my neices and nephews the way I want to. I do not know much about them at all really. And that makes me sad. I want to know them. The reality of it is that I have missed so much of all my families lives. I do not know my three sisters as well as I want to. I do not know alot of my family the way I want to. But I trust God. I trust that He will give me the desires of my heart if I continue doing the right thing and continue with this way of life. I am thankful that I do have hope that I can get to know my neices and nephews and sisters the way I want to. I am so thankful that my hope is in Jesus. That is something I have learned this year. My hope starts and ends with Him. So if I do New Years Resolutions, that will be one of them. To get to know my family better. To learn more than meets the surface with them. I dont want to have a surface relationship with them. I want to know them. Today, I am thankful that God is enough for me today. I am thankful that all my hopes and dreams are in Him.

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